Anywhere
Any time
Doing anything
As long as it’s with you...
I want to love you
I want to give you flowers and bring you coffee
I want to write you silly notes, and romantic notes, and grocery lists
I want to take walks and discover new places
But...those are the things I want
I look around this gym and all I see are broken hearts. We trade one pain for another.
I live for moments.
Moments when you're actually there, present, in it.
Most of the time my body is there but my spirit, my heart, my mind are not.
I'm thinking why aren't I happy? I have everything I need. I'm good.
But the truth is I'm not.
I'm only good for a moment.
Survive.
Some days I have to whisper that to myself.
Some days survive is all I got.
Survive, I say to myself.
Survive til you can stand up and thrive.
Survive.
People only see the results. They don't see all the hours I spent eating and drinking!
You can push me down.
I will get back up.
You can insult me.
I will forget your words.
You can mock me.
I will laugh at you.
I will rise.
And I will rise.
And I will rise.
I looked for love in your eyes.
I found pain.
And a fire burning so hot I knew it would burn me some day.
I am not this body.
I am not these pains
I am not anger.
I am not hurt.
I am my spirit.
And my spirit is strong.
My spirit is love.
My spirit is joy.
I am my spirit.
My blessing is my curse. I see so much beauty in this world I want to burst. I feel so much pain in this world I want to burst. My blessing is my curse.
I woke up today and thought of you. Maybe tomorrow...maybe tomorrow will be the day that I forget you.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I knew I would be okay when the silence of an empty house no longer scared me.
I wear a smile cause frowning will only age me and no matter how heartbroken I am, I still gotta look good.
I do not expect anything in return.
I will just love you.
I got this one.
The memories come in waves.
At times so real and so hard they take my breath away.
So I close my eyes to remember.
And I send you love.
A day living in the present.
Just one day...
No memories, no fears, no anxiety.
I just want one day.
I stand here in front of you with an open heart. I'm terrified. But here I am.
I've known darkness and for that I am grateful. How else would I know my own strength?
If you could see what I saw you would be like, "damn"!
If my life was a romantic comedy you would be my happy ending.
Anoche te soñé. Anoche te amé. Anoche...
I love being in love. Its the pinche broken heart I could do without.
In that moment I forgot everything; all the pain, all the sorrow. In that moment, singing at the top of my lungs to Whitney Houston with the windows open. I needed that moment.
I spent all this time wishing you would change instead of changing myself.
I have dreams bigger than you, bigger than me, bigger than anything I've known.
I dream so hard I scare myself.
I may not know when I'll achieve my dreams but I will.
I wake up everyday because I have dreams.
You're drowning, you said.
I can't go down with you, you said.
And I was.
But I didn't.
And here I am.
You are a garden.
Plant your seeds of positivity.
Work hard everyday.
Love yourself.
You will be happy you did.
If I could only keep one memory it would be our first kiss.
I love myself. Now I just have to look in the mirror and believe it.
Hope is such a complicated thing.
At times it's admirable, life saving even.
And at times it's a foolish, foolish thing.
Tienes que luchar.
Cada día, todo el día.
Lucharé contigo.
Lucharemos juntas.
She's the kinda girl who won't write in her book with pen cause she's afraid of the permanence but is covered in tattoos.
I'm sorry, does my intensity make you uncomfortable?
My sense of urgency too much for you?
Does my incessant need for equality and change make you nervous?
You haven't even seen my Chingona level yet.
You'll love it.
Tatted and educated.
Chola and scholar.
Mexican and American.
I am an act of resistance.
Love her with all you got.
Let her be the boss.
Let her drive your truck.
Let her eat your food when she said she wasn't hungry.
Open every door for her.
Hold her hand.
Kiss her forehead.
Love her with all you got.
Cause you may not always get the chance.
I miss the beat of your heart next to mine.
The way you rested your head on my chest.
I miss your warm skin next to mine.
My soul misses your soul.
Sometimes I get tripped up by a sudden memory of you.
A smell takes me back to the first day.
I see your smile, clearly, like you never left.
I cherish the moment, then set it free...
She's the kinda girl whose not afraid to beat you on the court and take the last slice of pizza.
She's the kinda girl that's funny and smart and wild and real.
Real like "Oh man I fucked up for taking her for granted, real"
Real like "Oh man she was a 10 and I'm with a 5, real"
Real like "Oh man there's no going back, real"
Real
I choose love.
Every time.
She had the courage to love me when I couldn't love myself.
Wake up.
Kick ass.
Meditate.
Go to bed.
Repeat.
You can't get comfortable.
Not for a day.
Not for a minute.
Thats what they want.
For you to just chill in your oppression.
Mind: Don't do it!
Heart: DO IT!!! I LOVE BEING IN LOVE! YAY!
I see you hating.
Guess I must be doing something right
Your memory knocked the air out of me today.
I took a moment.
Sat with the pain.
Then I smiled defiantly and went on about my day.
Then there comes a day when you just move on.
No more memories first thing in the morning.
No breakdowns when you walk into your empty house at night.
No Adele on repeat.
Like a Spring day you are reborn.
Love often comes at inconvenient times. Don't be so busy you miss it.
Some days I am so consumed by so much sadness that simply getting out of bed is a victory.
Somedays I feel so amazing I don't want to go to bed.
I got mad, true, honest, courageous love for you.
Take that pain and do something with it!
Just, don't punch someone in the face.
That might be bad.
More like lift weights, write, get educated, make a career move, take over the world.
You know, more like that.
May your day be bright.
May you feel energized in all you do.
May no fucks be given to your haters.
I woke up with a hunger and sense of purpose.
I made a badass omelette.
Do what makes you happy.
Seems like such an easy concept.
But I got a million reasons to believe I don't deserve it.
Day by day I try to chip away at the insecurities.
Yes, I belong here.
Yes, I have something of value to say.
Yes, I deserve the same happiness as you.
This happiness that you built off my ancestors' backs.
I'm gonna hold my head up high.
Raise my voice.
And step up.
I love myself.
And Im gonna look in the mirror and believe it.
Imma do me.
And that's what's going to make me happy.
By the time you decide to look back at what you left you'll find I'm way ahead of you.
I'm grinding everyday.
Day in and day out.
You may not see it at this micro level but the results will leave you loving me or hating me.
Either way, I'll make you feel some sorta way, güey.
Be with someone who knows your value.
Start with yourself.
My soul whispers "It will be ok" while my heart cries itself to sleep.
That feeling I got when my phone beeped and I knew it was you...I miss that shit.
Your fucked up hair in the morning...I miss that shit.
Your smile...I miss that shit.
The heartache you caused me...I could've done without that shit!
You are paradoxically the water that quenches my thirst and fire that causes the drought.
The first moment we met I felt our souls smile.
I never thought you would become just a memory.
Our love was built out of sand. The same sand I knew the tides would come and wash away.
Your love was fleeting and now I am learning to find peace with the impermanence of it all.
I'd love you all over again.
Our.
First.
Kiss.
Will you love me?
For all that I am?
For all that I am not?
Can I tell you my secrets?
My fears?
My hopes?
My dreams?
Will you love me?
Hey.
My soul misses your soul.
I read your last letter.
For the last time.
I don't hate the pain of missing you.
It reminds me of the love we once had.
Your memory flows through me like fire.
I miss our quiet moments together.
Being comfortable and happy in complete peace and quiet with you was a blessing.
Act tough, catch no feelings, let no one in, let no one see you cry.
I shed all those insecurities so that I can be free.
The tears I've shed could quench a 100 year drought.
Stop.
Just stop.
Listen for a moment.
Your heart is trying to tell you something.
Listen to your heart.
Fuck everyone else.
I know you're scared.
I'm scared too.
Lets love each other anyways.
Don't ever let go, you whispered.
I did.
It haunts me everyday.
I had so many things I wanted to say to you as you walked away.
I love you.
Don't do it.
Don't leave me.
Now they're just empty pleas tattooed all over my heart.
I would reach out for you in the middle of the night and hold you.
I would be present and in the moment when I kissed you, slowly, passionately. Cause I knew one day I would cherish these memories.
Cause I knew one day these memories would be all I had left of you.
Everytime I think my heart can't break anymore it does.
And while at this moment I can't conceivably see how something so shattered can be repaired I stand here, defiantly, not allowing myself to be hardened by it all.
Defiantly, I still believe in love.
And still I love you.
Because you deserve love like I deserve love.
You may not be able to love me back and that is ok.
Loving someone is an act of strength.
I've tried to erase you so many times.
But there you are.
In my thoughts.
In my dreams.
If I could snap my finger and forget you, forget all this pain, dry all these tears, I wouldn't.
I took a chance on love and I would do it again.
I still have lowrider dreams.
I don't know where I'm going but I sure hope there are lowriders, paleteros, bookstores, murals of Pancho Villa and tattoo shops around.
I still have bad days, but I have good ones too.
I am enough.
I look into the mirror, tears still in my eyes, I do my best not to let them fall out and I whisper, "I am enough".
I still miss the you I thought you were.
Its my own fantasies that are still breaking my heart.
Any time
Doing anything
As long as it’s with you...
I want to love you
I want to give you flowers and bring you coffee
I want to write you silly notes, and romantic notes, and grocery lists
I want to take walks and discover new places
But...those are the things I want
I look around this gym and all I see are broken hearts. We trade one pain for another.
I live for moments.
Moments when you're actually there, present, in it.
Most of the time my body is there but my spirit, my heart, my mind are not.
I'm thinking why aren't I happy? I have everything I need. I'm good.
But the truth is I'm not.
I'm only good for a moment.
Survive.
Some days I have to whisper that to myself.
Some days survive is all I got.
Survive, I say to myself.
Survive til you can stand up and thrive.
Survive.
People only see the results. They don't see all the hours I spent eating and drinking!
You can push me down.
I will get back up.
You can insult me.
I will forget your words.
You can mock me.
I will laugh at you.
I will rise.
And I will rise.
And I will rise.
I looked for love in your eyes.
I found pain.
And a fire burning so hot I knew it would burn me some day.
I am not this body.
I am not these pains
I am not anger.
I am not hurt.
I am my spirit.
And my spirit is strong.
My spirit is love.
My spirit is joy.
I am my spirit.
My blessing is my curse. I see so much beauty in this world I want to burst. I feel so much pain in this world I want to burst. My blessing is my curse.
I woke up today and thought of you. Maybe tomorrow...maybe tomorrow will be the day that I forget you.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I thought I could write you out of my heart.
I knew I would be okay when the silence of an empty house no longer scared me.
I wear a smile cause frowning will only age me and no matter how heartbroken I am, I still gotta look good.
I do not expect anything in return.
I will just love you.
I got this one.
The memories come in waves.
At times so real and so hard they take my breath away.
So I close my eyes to remember.
And I send you love.
A day living in the present.
Just one day...
No memories, no fears, no anxiety.
I just want one day.
I stand here in front of you with an open heart. I'm terrified. But here I am.
I've known darkness and for that I am grateful. How else would I know my own strength?
If you could see what I saw you would be like, "damn"!
If my life was a romantic comedy you would be my happy ending.
Anoche te soñé. Anoche te amé. Anoche...
I love being in love. Its the pinche broken heart I could do without.
In that moment I forgot everything; all the pain, all the sorrow. In that moment, singing at the top of my lungs to Whitney Houston with the windows open. I needed that moment.
I spent all this time wishing you would change instead of changing myself.
I have dreams bigger than you, bigger than me, bigger than anything I've known.
I dream so hard I scare myself.
I may not know when I'll achieve my dreams but I will.
I wake up everyday because I have dreams.
You're drowning, you said.
I can't go down with you, you said.
And I was.
But I didn't.
And here I am.
You are a garden.
Plant your seeds of positivity.
Work hard everyday.
Love yourself.
You will be happy you did.
If I could only keep one memory it would be our first kiss.
I love myself. Now I just have to look in the mirror and believe it.
Hope is such a complicated thing.
At times it's admirable, life saving even.
And at times it's a foolish, foolish thing.
Tienes que luchar.
Cada día, todo el día.
Lucharé contigo.
Lucharemos juntas.
She's the kinda girl who won't write in her book with pen cause she's afraid of the permanence but is covered in tattoos.
I'm sorry, does my intensity make you uncomfortable?
My sense of urgency too much for you?
Does my incessant need for equality and change make you nervous?
You haven't even seen my Chingona level yet.
You'll love it.
Tatted and educated.
Chola and scholar.
Mexican and American.
I am an act of resistance.
Love her with all you got.
Let her be the boss.
Let her drive your truck.
Let her eat your food when she said she wasn't hungry.
Open every door for her.
Hold her hand.
Kiss her forehead.
Love her with all you got.
Cause you may not always get the chance.
I miss the beat of your heart next to mine.
The way you rested your head on my chest.
I miss your warm skin next to mine.
My soul misses your soul.
Sometimes I get tripped up by a sudden memory of you.
A smell takes me back to the first day.
I see your smile, clearly, like you never left.
I cherish the moment, then set it free...
She's the kinda girl whose not afraid to beat you on the court and take the last slice of pizza.
She's the kinda girl that's funny and smart and wild and real.
Real like "Oh man I fucked up for taking her for granted, real"
Real like "Oh man she was a 10 and I'm with a 5, real"
Real like "Oh man there's no going back, real"
Real
I choose love.
Every time.
She had the courage to love me when I couldn't love myself.
Wake up.
Kick ass.
Meditate.
Go to bed.
Repeat.
You can't get comfortable.
Not for a day.
Not for a minute.
Thats what they want.
For you to just chill in your oppression.
Mind: Don't do it!
Heart: DO IT!!! I LOVE BEING IN LOVE! YAY!
I see you hating.
Guess I must be doing something right
Your memory knocked the air out of me today.
I took a moment.
Sat with the pain.
Then I smiled defiantly and went on about my day.
Then there comes a day when you just move on.
No more memories first thing in the morning.
No breakdowns when you walk into your empty house at night.
No Adele on repeat.
Like a Spring day you are reborn.
Love often comes at inconvenient times. Don't be so busy you miss it.
Some days I am so consumed by so much sadness that simply getting out of bed is a victory.
Somedays I feel so amazing I don't want to go to bed.
I got mad, true, honest, courageous love for you.
Take that pain and do something with it!
Just, don't punch someone in the face.
That might be bad.
More like lift weights, write, get educated, make a career move, take over the world.
You know, more like that.
May your day be bright.
May you feel energized in all you do.
May no fucks be given to your haters.
I woke up with a hunger and sense of purpose.
I made a badass omelette.
Do what makes you happy.
Seems like such an easy concept.
But I got a million reasons to believe I don't deserve it.
Day by day I try to chip away at the insecurities.
Yes, I belong here.
Yes, I have something of value to say.
Yes, I deserve the same happiness as you.
This happiness that you built off my ancestors' backs.
I'm gonna hold my head up high.
Raise my voice.
And step up.
I love myself.
And Im gonna look in the mirror and believe it.
Imma do me.
And that's what's going to make me happy.
By the time you decide to look back at what you left you'll find I'm way ahead of you.
I'm grinding everyday.
Day in and day out.
You may not see it at this micro level but the results will leave you loving me or hating me.
Either way, I'll make you feel some sorta way, güey.
Be with someone who knows your value.
Start with yourself.
My soul whispers "It will be ok" while my heart cries itself to sleep.
That feeling I got when my phone beeped and I knew it was you...I miss that shit.
Your fucked up hair in the morning...I miss that shit.
Your smile...I miss that shit.
The heartache you caused me...I could've done without that shit!
You are paradoxically the water that quenches my thirst and fire that causes the drought.
The first moment we met I felt our souls smile.
I never thought you would become just a memory.
Our love was built out of sand. The same sand I knew the tides would come and wash away.
Your love was fleeting and now I am learning to find peace with the impermanence of it all.
I'd love you all over again.
Our.
First.
Kiss.
Will you love me?
For all that I am?
For all that I am not?
Can I tell you my secrets?
My fears?
My hopes?
My dreams?
Will you love me?
Hey.
My soul misses your soul.
I read your last letter.
For the last time.
I don't hate the pain of missing you.
It reminds me of the love we once had.
Your memory flows through me like fire.
I miss our quiet moments together.
Being comfortable and happy in complete peace and quiet with you was a blessing.
Act tough, catch no feelings, let no one in, let no one see you cry.
I shed all those insecurities so that I can be free.
The tears I've shed could quench a 100 year drought.
Stop.
Just stop.
Listen for a moment.
Your heart is trying to tell you something.
Listen to your heart.
Fuck everyone else.
I know you're scared.
I'm scared too.
Lets love each other anyways.
Don't ever let go, you whispered.
I did.
It haunts me everyday.
I had so many things I wanted to say to you as you walked away.
I love you.
Don't do it.
Don't leave me.
Now they're just empty pleas tattooed all over my heart.
I would reach out for you in the middle of the night and hold you.
I would be present and in the moment when I kissed you, slowly, passionately. Cause I knew one day I would cherish these memories.
Cause I knew one day these memories would be all I had left of you.
Everytime I think my heart can't break anymore it does.
And while at this moment I can't conceivably see how something so shattered can be repaired I stand here, defiantly, not allowing myself to be hardened by it all.
Defiantly, I still believe in love.
And still I love you.
Because you deserve love like I deserve love.
You may not be able to love me back and that is ok.
Loving someone is an act of strength.
I've tried to erase you so many times.
But there you are.
In my thoughts.
In my dreams.
If I could snap my finger and forget you, forget all this pain, dry all these tears, I wouldn't.
I took a chance on love and I would do it again.
I still have lowrider dreams.
I don't know where I'm going but I sure hope there are lowriders, paleteros, bookstores, murals of Pancho Villa and tattoo shops around.
I still have bad days, but I have good ones too.
I am enough.
I look into the mirror, tears still in my eyes, I do my best not to let them fall out and I whisper, "I am enough".
I still miss the you I thought you were.
Its my own fantasies that are still breaking my heart.
